Whiny Rich and Working Poor
December 4, 2010
Over the past few days I have encountered all kinds of people in all kinds of financial situations. I have socialized with very wealthy people who have fretted over the long lines in the grocery store and the inconvenience of waiting in the car pool line at their kids’ private school. Wealthy folks who have stressed at needing to achieve *perfection* during the holiday season.
And I have encountered men who were so grateful to have some work on a Saturday morning that they seemed like young, energetic dogs, prancing around on their front legs, waiting for their next instructions.
I see all of these people and I realize, remind myself, that these people are each a priceless, loving human being.
And I then remember to teach this to my children. Over and over.
I teach my children that one’s financial position does not determine their worth. Although in this country, it seems that that is certainly the case much of the time. I teach my children that the working poor and the homeless did not intentionally get themselves there, typically, but they often have issues or problems that got them there. And I expose my children to folks like this on a regular basis so that they can learn this for themselves.
I teach my children that the wealthy also did not intentionally get themselves there, typically. Many of the wealthy our family knows have inherited their money or they just fell into exceptionally high-paying jobs. Yes, they worked hard. But not any harder than the moving guys who are grateful to have the work.
I also teach my children that they, particularly because they are Americans, have the opportunity to be any of these people, the Whiny Rich or the Working Poor, and could very easily. My children’s financial situation in the future will result from luck and hard work, but will also be shaped by the effects of structural violence and bigotry and economic cycles and how risks that they take play out.
Which is why they need to learn all about money. So that they can manage well whatever they earn or achieve.
Justine
Hannah walking the walk.
May 10, 2009
This past weekend, Hannah participated in a walk for Crohn’s disease. Hannah has a dear, dear friend who suffers from Crohn’s disease. Someone was sponsoring a walk and Hannah wanted to walk for her friend.
As Hannah was getting ready to leave for the walk, she went and grabbed her credit card and got on the computer. I found that a bit odd. I asked Hannah what she was doing.
“I am giving money for the walk.”
Well, that makes sense to me! I asked more questions. I had never seen my daughter give money to a philanthropy on her own. I thought I had only seen her give money with my counseling, my parenting, my prompting. But here was my daughter, giving money on her own volition, and giving of her OWN money.
I asked Hannah about using her credit card, about using her own money. I thought I was one of the luckiest parents alive, to see my daughter give her own money to a cause that was important to her friend’s health. I thought I was also so lucky because my daughter could get online and not just PLEDGE money, but actually GIVE money by using her own credit card. The very same credit card I forced down her throat three years ago. The one she isn’t so crazy about using. But today, that credit card was really useful to her.
Then I felt a lump in my throat. I believe in philanthropy. I’ve taught my daughter about philanthropy. And here was my daughter, being philanthropic.
“Hannah. Would you like us to give some money to the walk for Crohn’s disease?”
“Sure,” she said, in her casual, teenager way.
“How much would you like us to give?”
“I don’t know,” she replied. “How much do you want to give?”
I reminded Hannah that in these tough economic times, her dad and I weren’t able to give as much money to philanthropy as we would like. But we know that every charity needs money and that this year, many charities are reaching farther and wider for contributions. I reminded Hannah that her dad and I had adopted a new, temporary policy regarding giving: Anybody who asks, we give them $25.
Hannah thought that sounded good. She thought $25 would work just fine. That’s what she gave. So that was good for her parents, as well.
I handed Hannah my credit card. I knew she could handle the transaction for me. Then I ran to tell her Dad what had just happened. I had witnessed a whole new dimension of my beautiful daughter.
And then I came back to the kitchen and got my credit card from my daughter. Put it back in my wallet for safe-keeping. I love her and admire her, but I do know how to protect my money!
Justine
Jon has been working on his Family Life merit badge for Boy Scouts. He has to complete two projects within the merit badge requirements, both of which must help the family. One of Jon’s projects was to clean out our garage. The floor of our garage was littered with outdoor toys that sat in a big pile, collecting dust. The kids have grown and they don’t use many of the toys anymore.
So we asked Jon to clean the garage. Part of the task was to sort through the toys and give the ones that were still in good condition to charity.
We regularly clean our house out of things that we don’t use anymore. We have a favorite charity in town that we like to take our things to. We don’t take our used items to Goodwill – we aren’t sure where our stuff really ends up. We do take our items to a local church and preschool in a neighborhood where the residents are so happy to see the things that we give and use the items right away.
Jon and the other kids know all about the charity, about being philanthropic, about recycling things that we don’t use anymore for the benefit of others.
My kids also know about the related tax benefits.
Jon, with this project, was required to document each item that we were giving away and putting a price tag on it. He knew that the value had to be a ‘garage-sale value’ as recommended by the Internal Revenue Service. And Jon knew that this step was important because our family would get to take a deduction on our income taxes for the items we had given away.
So Jon dutifully listed each scooter and each parachute and each hockey stick, applying a value to them.
And now I am incorporating those figures into our family’s tax return.
Thank you, Jon!
These times
February 5, 2009
We have lots of stuff to cover in this blog. All kinds of lessons and pointers and ideas.
But this week, as the economic news gets worse and worse, it seems rather inappropriate to dive into more lessons. Rather, the feelings and sentiments of what we are all going through seem more relevant.
And they are relevant to this blog because much of what we are dealing with in these times are about money. About losing jobs, losing credit, having to lay employees off, determining not to make a purchase, having to visit the food bank.
My two sons, Jon and Max, are Boy Scouts. This weekend, in my home county, the Boy Scouts of America are running a food drive. It is called “Scouting for Food”. The boys participate in this food drive every year. The boys compete amongst each other in their troop, weighing the food they have collected in order to win accolades from the troop.
But it is so different this year. We as a family know that the need for food among families in our county has escalated dramatically. It has become so much more imperative that my boys get out there to collect food for the local food bank. Not to win praise, but to help ameliorate this crisis.
So we’ve been talking about this food drive all week. I expect my boys to work their butts off for this food drive this weekend.
Justine
These family discussions provide valuable lessons to my boys about money. About how families need money for food, and that there are more families who don’t have enough money to buy food in this economic environment.
In teaching our kids about money, there are so many paths to take. Or so many paths that lead you to places unknown.
Justine
Enough.
November 25, 2008
By way of my rector, Verdery Kerr, at my church, Christ Episcopal Church in Charlotte, I came across this weekly reflection piece sent by Paul Hanneman, of the Urban Ministry Center here in Charlotte. This piece is by Mary Cosby, co-founder of the Church of the Saviour; and as Mr. Hanneman pointed out, this seems highly relevant in this time of economic fear. I took a lesson from this and you may as well. The bolded paragraph at the end is the big part for me…
“There is a principle that has been important to us in The Church of the Saviour, primarily in the formation of the church and in my own life: the importance of “climate.” By climate I mean a climate of scarcity or of abundance. It is the major thing that can defeat a family or a person or certainly a church community if there is a climate of scarcity. It doesn’t seem to matter what the real facts are; if the climate is of not having enough, one never does.
“It is just like sports cars or motorcycles-they are primarily states of mind. I am married to a man for whom the motorcycle was a state of mind, until he got one. Then two years later the state of mind changed, and he didn’t need the motorcycle in the same way. It was more than the motorcycle. It was the state of mind. So is money for most of us.
“I was reared in a Baptist preacher’s family. My father was from the farm country of north Georgia. He went to school every other year because he and his brothers had to take turns picking cotton just to keep food on the table. My mother was from the plantation country of south Georgia. She attended Miss Nellie’s French School for Young Ladies. Her upbringing was altogether different from my father’s. We discovered as we went along that red blood and blue blood mixed very well, and my parents had a marvelous kind of marriage. My mother talked all the time, never stopped. She was enormously creative. My father was stately and beyond belief wonderful. He spoke when he had something to say.
“My father was a big, tall man. He had very large hands. I remember those gorgeous hands. When we would worry about something he would say to us, “Daughter, our times are in God’s hands.” And then he would hold out those gorgeous hands and I would think, If God’s hands are like yours, I just trust God. I felt secure.
“My mother had enough imagination to make it all work. For instance, when other children were getting doll houses, I never knew anything except that I thought mine was special. My mother would build us doll houses out of orange crates and make cardboard doll furniture and then paint them with brown shellac. It looked like mahogany. My doll furniture was by far the prettiest. But it was on a shoestring. In fact, I learned later that we really lived on a shoestring.
“This is something you can do for your children. No matter how little or much you have, never let your children feel an awareness of money shortage. The climate has to be of adequacy-that we have what we need. Why? Because I’ll never give if I feel I must hold on to what I have, just in case.”
Justine
Philanthropy – The fun of choosing a charity – Part 2
October 31, 2008
OK, so we are talking about teaching our kids about philanthropy.
I promised that I would ask Jon about the charity he gave his money to that one day that we are recollecting.
Jon can’t remember. Neither can I. It was cute at the time, I promise.
But I did talk to Joe B yesterday, a parent that is a colleague of mine. He is an amazing parent. I asked him a about philanthropy in his family.
Joe B told me that when his kids make deposits, they lay out all of the money. Then their calculations are that they give 10% away, they can spend 10% and they bank the rest.
I love that – Joe B has really thought through this and he knows what he believes and he teaches it to his kids.
Joe B used the word “tithe” in speaking to me. Giving 10% of one’s gross earnings is commonly known as tithing and Joe B is teaching his kids to tithe. I suspect that the tithe is going to the religious institution of choice. That was an important value that Joe B imparted to me in our conversation. Although I did not ask for specifics on his children’s philanthropic targets.
Tithing is a great lesson to teach one’s kids. I think it is great that Joe B is doing that.
Philanthropy is a good thing.
PS – DON’T WORRY! WE START CREDIT CARDS ON MONDAY!
Justine
Philanthropy – The fun of choosing a charity
October 30, 2008
We talked yesterday about teaching our kids to give some money away. I think that this is another area where we need to teach our kids and to help them learn about managing their money. If we want our kids to be charitable when they grow up, it is best to teach them – at home – now.
That one day that I described when we split our saved money into threes for
- saving,
- spending and
- giving away
we realized that we, as kids and as a family, were going to have to decide to whom we wanted to give our money. And each of the children found a charity that they supported, financially, with that money.
Hannah has been a fan of the local Raptor Center that helps rehabilitate injured birds of prey. She had been out there several time with us as a family, as well as with one of her community clubs. Hannah thought the Raptor Center would be a good cause to support with her donation. So Hannah sent her money, a simple $10, to the Raptor Center.
We knew that a decent charity would appreciate every dollar that they received, particularly from a child. And the Raptor Center filled that bill. They wrote Hannah a thank you note and highlighted her contribution in a newsletter. Sadly, Hannah’s contribution seemed to be unusual. Thankfully, the organization took notice and used the contribution as a valuable tool in telling others about it, as well as in thanking Hannah publicly (but only by first name, of course. We appreciated that….).
Max gave his money to the local animal shelter run by the county government. Actually, he couldn’t really find a way to GIVE them his money, but I helped him find the website where he could buy a T-shirt that the shelter sold for fundraising purposes. So Max bought the T-shirt, online, with his money (and some of mine…. I was happy to kick in.)
I can’t remember what Jon’s charity was – I will ask him when he comes home and tell you tomorrow.
I do know that my children don’t give away enough money – I’ve been forgetting to teach this lesson regarding giving away a little bit of what you get. I need to get better about that…..
Justine
Philanthropy – Giving some of that savings away.
October 29, 2008
A few days ago I heard the head of our local community foundation speak about matters philanthropic. It reminded me that we need to get philanthropy on the agenda. Of course, when we are teaching kids about money, we should add the topic of philanthropy in there someplace. We all know that if we have the luxury of having money and making money, we should give some away. I don’t know how we know that, but we just do.
I try to apply the lesson of philanthropy when my kids make bank deposits. I really haven’t told you that up to now. And, I admit, we sometimes forget about philanthropy, like when we made that run to the bank a few weeks back when Hannah drove us all.
But, in the past, I have taught philanthropy to the kids. It kind of goes like this: We open our piggy banks, roll our coins, and count our money. Then we look at how much we have and decide what to do with it. In theory, we can spend a little, save a little and give a little away. That is how I’ve tried to lay it out to my kids. But of course there are dozens of ways you can lay this out to your kids, depending on your values and how hard you feel like working that day.
So, on that kind of day, my kids and I may decide that they
- should save one-third of their money,
- get to spend one third of their money and
- should give one third of their money away.
(Look, I am being random – we will talk about splits somewhere down the road.)
So the kids, on that day, split up their money. We worked through our deposits and got those taken care of. (We’ve talked about a lot about deposits – I am pretty sure you don’t have many questions there….)
Then we set some money aside for spending, talking about what we wanted to buy with the one-third of our respective pots of dough. (We will talk about spending, later, as well.)
But then we talked about giving money away. We will get into that further tomorrow.
Justine
